Blogging the Opening Ceremonies: the Mel Way

Before I get into the snark and mockery, I would like to take a moment to mourn the loss of Georgian Luger Nodar Kumaritashvili. This is a sad and shocking way to begin what is supposed to be a happy and enjoyable two weeks. IMHO they should cancel the Luge competition to prevent further tragedy - we'll see what the IOC decides. In the meantime, thoughts and good karma with Nodar's family and the Georgian people.

Ok...let's begin the show:
7:46 PM

NBC's coverage has been on for a little more than an hour, and I am already sick of the vignettes and montages. Cris Collingsworth as a reporter? Painful. It'll be interesting to see how they pull this off indoors. Oh the We Are The World 25th anniversary version for Haiti is airing - who is that 6 year old singing? Oh great, a dead Jacko and Janet duet - barf. Who the hell are all these people? Am I that out of touch? Autotuning and rapping? This is BAD. I'm sorry - no Cyndi Lauper - a travesty. At least throw Lady Gaga out in front with some outrageous costume for entertainment. OK, I'd rather look at Bob Costas than listen to this.

8:05 PM

Damn, I should have paid attention in French Class more in high school. Yay Mounties!

8:09 PM

Sorry, I like Jim Cornelison's "Oh Canada" better. Maybe they can fly him in for one of the hockey games.

8:14 PM

Dammit Costas and Lauer, shut the fuck up. I'd like to hear what the performers are saying. This is why I hate the American coverage. They feel the need to hear themselves talk and explain everything like we have the IQ of a snail. I wish I could get CBC. Are all of these people actually indigenous? Some of the folks look a little suburban to me.

8:21 PM

Oh good the parade of nations - this is one of my favorite parts. And thankfully much shorter than the summer games - I'm usually bored by Luxembourg. Amy commented that Austria's outfits looks like something flight attendants would wear. Hey, I think the Azerbaijan contingent are wearing Zubaz! Yay, Bermuda is wearing shorts! Too bad they're wearing dark knee socks with them. Is it just me or do the women carrying the signs with the countries' names on them look like nuns wearing ponchos and nothing else? NBC you're having a commercial in the middle of the parade? Damn you McDonalds and VISA!

8:38 PM

Oh the Georgian team. Sad. Nice that they got a standing ovation. Yay, Deutschland! Why are they wearing pastels? The men are wearing blue and the women pink - Really? Yeesh, I feel ashamed of my peoples. Hopefully the Italians (the other part of my heritage) will be a little less misogynist.

8:47 PM

Ok the Italians are wearing white pants and silver boots. I guess that't better than the Germans but not by much. They said it's 70 degrees in BC Place - aren't these athletes roasting in their coats, hats and boots? Maybe they thought it would be a retractable roof ala Cowboys Stadium.

9:02 PM

Off topic - people are selling pairs of Hawks tickets for over $1K on eBay. WTF?!? I'm sorry, that is insane. I hate ticket brokers!

9:06 PM

They name dropped Hossa when Slovakia come out. But not Kopecky - big surprise. I feel really bad for these folks who have to dance like they're at a techno club on the sidelines for over an hour.  Forsberg is Sweden's flag bearer. Long time no see.

9:12 PM

Here they come - USA! USA! No, I'm really not like that - ok maybe for the US Women's Hockey team. Nice reception by the Vancouver crowd - I wonder how many ex-pats are in attendance. I do like their ski caps with the reindeer on them - thank god they're not doing berets again. What is up with the white pants though - tucked into boots? Yuck.

9:14 PM

Oh Canada! Of course the crowd goes wild! Pfft - I like our hats better. Man, if Canada doesn't win the hockey gold the whole country will be despondent. They'll run out of Molson!

9:19 PM

Oh god, Bryan Adams? I guess the shit portion of the ceremony has officially begun. This song is worse than the new We Are The World. Why is Nelly Furtado wearing a prom dress?

9:26 PM

Fake snow in the arena. I'd hate to be the ones tasked with cleaning it up later. Lauer: "In effect we're sitting in a 60,000 seat snow globe." OH SHUT UP! This guy and his magic staff reminds me of Gandalf. And it's a giant Michelin Man - oh wait it's a bear. Never Mind. The projections they're doing on the floor are pretty cool.

9:37 PM

Sarah McLachlan! She's one of my faves. And she's so pretty too. What is up with those rocks she's wearing on her chest? I'm surprised she can breathe much less sing with those weighing her down. An acquaintance of Amy's is dancing here - I'm not sure we'll see him though. 

9:47 PM

I wish Ashley MacIssac was one of the fiddlers so he could lift up his kilt and flash the crowd.

9:56 PM

While I appreciate the sentiment behind telling the history of Canada and its people, these interpretive dance & song numbers really start to drag after the third one. Light the damn torch already - I want to see if #99 gets to do it!

10:03 PM

I think Amy is about to fall asleep on the couch. Thankfully I have Regretsy to look at to prevent unconsciousness during the performance section of the program.


10:11 PM

Poetry slam at the Olympics. Is he the gold medalist?

10:12 PM

Relevant viewing for tomorrow:
12pm-2:30pm          Women's Hockey: Sweden vs Switzerland
7pm-9:30pm            Women's Hockey: Canada vs. Slovakia

I guess if the Hawks game sucks tomorrow I can always watch Hayley Wickenheiser.

10:15 PM

Oh good - we'll have the obligatory speeches, the flag and the flame. Hurry up, I have to pee!

10:25 PM

OMG this is the longest and most boring speech ever. And his french is horrible. I think everyone is clapping because it is over.

10:32 PM

k.d. lang singing Leonard Cohen. Amy: "Could you be any less butch? Or at least wear a suit that fits?"

10:41 PM

Yay, Bobby Orr is one of the flag bearers. Props to an original 6-er!

10:42 PM

I think the opera singer is totally lip syncing. Amy also thinks fake wind is make the flag blow. Must be a wind tunnel somewhere. Good god is she going to sing a complete opera? Donald Sutherland looks like he's going to fall asleep.

10:47 PM

Speak of the devil - there's Hayley Wickenheiser. Sorry hun, you're no Cammi Granato.

10:53 PM

Ok, let's light this flame already. Go man in wheelchair, go! Steve Nash? Um, isn't this the *winter* olympics? Big surprise - it's the Great One. You may have been the greatest but you were a shitty coach. Um, did someone forget to bring the cauldron? This is kinda funny - Gretzky looks like he's going to shit himself. Ok orchestra - vamp, vamp! I guess this is not the way they wanted to end it - looks like one of them is not going to be able to light it. Too bad - it's a cool concept (the archer in Barcelona is still the best).

11:02 PM

It's over! Oh wait no it's not - Gretzky's gotta light the outside cauldron. Hopefully they remember where they put it.

11:06 PM

Oh Lester Holt - I remember when you were an anchor on channel 2 with your mustache. I think you still narrate the juror instruction video at the Cook County courthouse.

11:10 PM

My hamster is looking at me like I'm crazy for watching all of this. Perhaps I am.

11:11 PM

They really have no crowd control of these folks running next to Gretzky's SUV. Someone's going to try to check him. He looks pretty damn uncomfortable. I find it funny it's raining in Vancouver but they have snow in Dallas. Let's see if this one lights correctly - well I guess one out of two ain't bad.

That's all folks. Kudos to anyone who read all this tripe. At least it kept me amused.