Finding Hockey Amongst Pierogis

OK, so I wrote that long diatribe how I'm going to update the blog and do other things and yet I've waited nearly a week to write anything of substance. *sigh* Well I did upload probably close to a 100 photos on Flickr since then so I'm not totally useless. Or something. Anyway...

No, no, no, don't run away screaming! Dead raccoon is just welcoming you to a story about my visit to the Annual Pierogi Fest in Whiting, Indiana over the weekend. As you will see shortly, Mr Raccoon is just a sample of the weird ass shit (and in this case frightening) you could see and/or purchase in between stuffing your face. For those not in the know, pierogis are Polish dumplings often stuffed with potatoes, cheese, sauerkraut and other tasty things. Sadly, I didn't start eating them regularly until fairly recently. Which is surprising considering I grew up in an area of Chicago with a large Polish population (Chicago has the largest Polish population outside of Warsaw), and went to school with many folks with Polish and Slavic heritage. Aside from eating so much you feel like you need a defibrillator, there were many booths with crafts, knick-knacks and well, shit. Of course I had to capture such things with a Blackhawks theme!

From the Internets: I Have A Bad Case of Diarrhea

OK before you run screaming from this blog, I really don't have the runs. During one of my patented putterings on the internets, I found a few videos I had seen awhile back but had put out of my mind. Perhaps intentionally. Warning: after you watch these videos you will have these songs in your head.




I'm sure you are wondering what the hell you just wasted a minute of your time on. That clip is from Zuiikin English - a TV show that ran in Japan in the '90s with the purpose of teaching English whilst exercising. A strange concept to be sure, but then again this is the country that brought us Iron Chef (which I love 100x times more than Iron Chef America - I just want to slap Bobby Flay every time I see him smirk on my TV). I'm not sure why they chose this particular phrase - "I really need the toilet" would have sufficed but then again, it wouldn't have been nearly as funny.

Here's another one of my faves:



"Spare me my life!" is a great phrase when a man wearing a bandanna like my 80 year old grandmother tries to rob you!

I find weird and slightly inappropriate videos/links like this often, but am too lazy to make a proper post about them. Therefore, I created a tumblr account so house such things. My screen name is maschinenmensch for those who are daring enough to follow me.

"Take anything you want!"

"Don't Accept Plastic Imitations!"

Just a bit of Saturday night (or is it Sunday morning?) silliness:



I don't know what's worse: the name "Disco Body Shaper" or the jump suits. And who the hell wears a belt when working out?

I got this off the Museum of Classic Chicago Television - a site I have wasted countless hours on. If you're looking for the old Empire commercials, Son of Svengoolie or any other TV staples from the 70s and 80s, make a visit!

Totally Random, Totally Hilarious (in an I'm going to Hell way) picture

I was poking through my external hard drive and found the following picture I had downloaded many moons ago:

I should have posted this yesterday when it was more appropriate. Oh I am so bad.

Blogging the Opening Ceremonies: the Mel Way

Before I get into the snark and mockery, I would like to take a moment to mourn the loss of Georgian Luger Nodar Kumaritashvili. This is a sad and shocking way to begin what is supposed to be a happy and enjoyable two weeks. IMHO they should cancel the Luge competition to prevent further tragedy - we'll see what the IOC decides. In the meantime, thoughts and good karma with Nodar's family and the Georgian people.

Ok...let's begin the show:

Attention Neighbors:

In case you haven't noticed, Monday is the first of February. This is the second month of the year. So why the hell are your Christmas lights still lit night after night?

I get it. The holidays are a wonderful time. I put up a tree every year and lights on my front windows (most of which are still boxed up in my living room because I've been too lazy to put them in the basement). But if you're buying those horrible chalky Valentines hearts at the store, it's time to turn them off already!

I understand it's cold and perhaps you don't feel much like taking the lights down at this time. But for God's sake don't turn them on. Hell, some people leave them up all year for convenience - I think it's a tad tacky to have icicle lights hanging off your awning whilst BBQing for the 4th of July though. And there is no excuse to still have your damn tree up. For the love of Jebus I hope it's not real, or I expect to be awaken at 3am by the CFD at some point in the near future.

So, please dear neighbors. Santa is gone. Jesus is born. Put the damn decorations away, and get ready for Easter already.

We now return to your regularly scheduled stupidness.

Dear Apple,

I have been a fan of yours for a long time. My first computer was a Performa 6290. I played Oregon Trail and learned about dysentery and cholera on an Apple IIe. I'm on my third Mac, have owned 2 iPods and may finally become a sheeple and get an iPhone.

But *iPad*? Really. REALLY?

Obviously Steve and his boys came up with this name, as any woman with half a brain could tell you what a horrible name this is. You do realize you will now be the butt of a million and one bad monthly visitor jokes for the foreseeable future?

In any case, as with any Apple product, I will wait for the hysteria to die down to actually look at one, and it will realistically take at least two years before I can afford one.

Carry on my dear friends!

Love,
Mel

Boys, Boys, Please Keep Your Shirts On!

THIS.

Lord Jesus, I haven't seen chests like that since I went to the swimming pool during day camp when I was 12. Even Amy mentioned that they don't look particularly athletic sans shirts. Keep 'em on boys!

Far be it to judge what the guys do off the ice - hell after Saturday's game I wouldn't have minded getting plastered in a limo. But if they pose for cell phone photos and actually don't think they are going to make it on the internets, I think they've all been concussed too many times.

P.S. Dear Versteeg: Please don't wear your sunglasses at night. You look like a douche. Thank you, The Management

Exciting News!

This was the subject of an email Amy sent me at work last week. A thousand thoughts ran through my head in the time it took me to open the email. "We won the lottery." "Amy got a great new job." "The government will mandate afternoon siestas in all workplaces." "There will be new Star Wars movies neither written or directed by George Lucas." "Daley has decided not to run for re-election."

Nope.

"McRib is back!"

Ok, so I must make a confession - I do love McRibs in all of its limited time only goodness. Trust me when I say I don't often eat fast food, which is remarkable considering I live across the street from a McDonalds and can smell their fries walking to and from my car. I haven't eaten red meat in over six years - this in spite of the fact my mother can't understand why I can't have one meatball with dinner. Bless her heart she tries - she actually made a corner of her lasagna on Christmas sans meat just for me. Amy is a vegetarian so we don't eat meat at home. Really the only time I eat meat is when I go out for dinner, and it's usually just a back up plan in case they don't have anything vegetarian I want (you can only eat so many salads and portobello burgers). If I really tried I could become a full fledged vegetarian without much fuss (never a vegan though - I covet cheese way too much).

But I love McRibs. I rationalize they only come once a year or so, and honestly how much of that oddly shaped patty is really pork? I'd venture a guess at least half of it is soy or TVP. But I never understood why they put pickles on it. Yuck.

Now, when do they start selling Shamrock Shakes?!

Au moins je n'ai pas l'envie de regarder un film de Jerry Lewis.

Just watched the documentary Man On Wire. I recommend it - I quite enjoyed it. Unfortunately I am now thinking things in a french accent. Oh merde.