NHL Playoffs: Round One Wrap-Up and Round Two Predictions

I've got about an hour before puck drop in the first game of Round Two, so this is as good a time as any to do this.

First, an in-depth (*snort*) analysis of Round One - my prediction is in Red:

Eastern Conference:
Canadiens beat Capitals in 7 (Capitals in Six): OK, who outside of Montreal picked this? I'm not complaining though - karma's a bitch ain't it Ovie? This is also why I'm glad the Hawks didn't win the President's Trophy - it's a curse more than a blessing IMHO. Halak was a stud - wonder whose hands are shaking now?
Flyers beat Devils in 5 (Devils in Seven): Who cares really? Although it bothers me the Devils fans are bitching and moaning about how it's been so long since winning the Cup in '03. Check back with me when you do the math and subtract 1961 from 2010 and we'll talk about the concept of time.
Bruins beat Sabres (is it Sabres or Sabers? I never know) in 6 (Bruins in Seven): I picked this one! So sad to see Ryan Miller go so early - he of the lopsided puppy dog sad face. I think saying TUUUUUUUUK is better than LUUUUUUUUUUU.
Penguins beat Senators in 6 (Penguins in Six): Not a big surprise, although I appreciate the scare the Sens gave in their 3OT victory. Of course now many folks are handing the Eastern Conference to the Pens as they are the highest seed left. Ask the Caps about presumption before counting the chickens eh?

Western Conference:
Sharks beat Avalanche in 6 (Sharks in Five): Does this make the Caps the new Sharks? Honestly, without Craig Anderson this series would have been much shorter. BTW, has anyone found Joe Thornton yet?
Blackhawks beat Predators in 6 (Hawks in Six): You know my thoughts on this series. I'm just thankful it's over - way too nerve wracking for my comfort.
Canucks beat Kings in 6 (Canucks in Seven): I like Drew Doughty. The Canucks can kiss my ass. LUUUUUUUUUUUUU SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS.
Red Wings beat Coyotes in 7 (Coyotes in Seven): BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I feel like I need to send the 'Yotes a condolence card for not only losing to Scum, but for also probably having the owner of the White Sox pulling the strings soon. So, so sorry.


Onto Round Two...

(1) San Jose Sharks vs. (5) Detroit Red Wings

Can we have a blimp fall on the stadium and award the conference to whomever wins the Hawks' series? Seriously though, you have the team you can't prove anything in the playoffs against the team who things they deserve the Cup because they're from "Hockeytown". As much as I'd prefer the Sharks to win since we played them well in the regular season, I think the Wings pull this one out. I just feel the mental collapse for the Sharks is eminent and the Wings' talent and experience are enough to overcome them. I hate to say this - Wings in Six

(2) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (3) Vancouver Canucks

Ah yes, the blood rematch from last year. "Experts" seem split as to who is going to pull this one out. The Canucks have been gunning for this since the hats flew at the UC last May and Hattrick Kane was introduced to the masses. Some suggest that the Canucks' emotional investment in this series will completely cause them to an inevitable collapse. I hope that's the case, but I doubt it. The Hawks will need a better overall effort than in Round One if they want to move on. Part of me thinks they were holding things back in anticipation of the rematch. The Hawks will win if 1) Luongo gets intimately reacquainted with Buff's ass again and starts treating his glove as if it weighs a thousand pounds 2) The Hawks D holds the creepy ass twins mostly in check, 3) Nemo makes the tough saves when he has to and doesn't give up any cheapies and 4) Kane, Toews, Sharp and Hossa make mincemeat out of the 'Nucks shitty D. This one's gonna be fun (and probably cause me to drink on a school night). Hawks in Seven.

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (8) Montreal Canadiens

Most will expect a cakewalk for Sid and the Pens, but never underestimate the power of the Hot Playoff Goalie. I think Halak will be able to steal a victory or two for the Habs, but the Cinderella story ends here. Wouldn't it be great though if Montreal takes out the two "stars" of the NHL in two consecutive series? Pierre McGuire would have an aneurysm. Not gonna happen though. Penguins in Six.

(6) Boston Bruins vs. (7) Philadelphia Flyers

 

I expect this to be entertaining at the very least. My guess is the series comes down to the goalies. Who has the advantage - the upstart rookie (Rask) or the journeyman #1 by desperation (Boucher)? It'll also be interesting to see the effect the return of Marc Savard has on the Bruins. Bruins in Seven.

Yay Playoffs! Go Hawks! Fuck Nucks and Wings! WOOOOOOOOOOO!


P.S. I have tickets to the Western Conference Finals. Please let me use them. Kthxbye.