Stanley Cup Finals Game Four: Flyers 5, Hawks 3 - Mel brings out the big guns

Look, I'm pissed off and frightened now. I am not happy.

Honestly, the Hawks are lucky the series is tied 2-2 coming home. They haven't played a good game yet. Not even close. And if they don't for two of the next possible three games, I'm going to have a summer of heartbreak, and some assbags are going to be carrying something that doesn't belong to them.



Wake up now, kids. Yes, yes, the Hawks are a young team and they have a core group of players that are expected to contend for years to come. I Don't Care. They way things are in the NHL now, this could be their only chance to win this for the foreseeable future. Haven't we all suffered enough? Especially folks like me, who are also Cubs fans?

Play like you did in the last eight minutes of period three (minus Dunc's "oops, I shat myself" turnover that led to the ENG and sealed the deal for Philly) and do the following:

1. Stop taking so many stupid penalties
2. Don't expect to get any power plays, as the Flyers are obviously giving the refs "favors" before the game
3. Make Pronger bleed
4. Shoot. the. Goddamn. Puck.
5. Remember that turnovers in front of your goaltender make Baby Jesus cry.
6. Get Buff off the first line.
7. Make Brent Sopel scarce.
8. Clear the fucking puck.

Watching this game at the "official" Hawks road watch was a bit too claustrophobic for me. The place was packed which prevented me from drinking at a pace to make the night less painful. And I didn't win the Duncan Keith signed jersey or John Madden signed puck they raffled off. Ugh.

For good luck in the rest of the series, I call upon the Blackhawks of years past:

I went to a flea market today and bought two boxes of hockey cards from 1990: NHL Pro Set & Score. I opened a few packs and these are all the Hawks I got. Really, the only notable ones are Roenick and Savard. Although JR's on my shit list for rooting for the Sharks, and Savvy's got that depressing "Traded to Canadiens" note on his card. At least there's Troy Murray who's currently the color man for the Hawks on WGN radio.

But really, this is so serious I'm calling for assistance from:

If Luke Skywalker and his hip van with glow in the dark decals and a vintage R2-D2 with periscope can't save the Hawks, nothing will. I got both of these for $17 - score!

May The Force Be With You.