Pride, Sports & Getting Sunburnt for the Gay

I am missing Chicago's 41st Gay Pride Parade, which should step off by the time I finish this post. Honestly, I'm not too torn up about about that - with one exception which I'll get to later.

Breaking Up the Band

We all knew it would happen. Due to the NHL's hard salary cap, there was no way Your 2010 Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks (see, it never gets old) would stay intact. The Cup had barely been lifted in triumph before the internets was abuzz with with the impending doom of the Hawks' Capocalypse. Still, three weeks after the ultimate victory, saying goodbye to four members of the team is bittersweet at best.

My Date With Stanley

A Thousand Words

 I cannot yet believe I got to do this today. More later, I may just die of happiness in the meantime!

A Week On: A Collection of Not-So Memorable Yet Hilarious Hawks Images

So, it's been exactly a week since the Blackhawks hoisted their first Stanley Cup in 49 years. The first several days seemed to be an unrelenting party going on in my head and everything seemed so shiny and happy. Unfortunately, going back to work on Monday really took the buzz off of it - Being understaffed and stressed out ruins everything! Still, the idea of being the reigning Stanley Cup Champions has not gotten old and certainly has gotten this summer off to a tremendously tremendous start. 

Since last Wednesday, I have collected an assortment of images off the internets which I either found funny or a big helping of FAIL. This will be an image heavy post so those on "smart" phones or on 28.8 modems may not want to click on the jump. But I promise you it will be fun!

Sweating My Arse off for a Taste of Victory

First off let me just say, if a Chicago sports team ever wins another championship I care about (Sox and Bulls need not apply) my ass is going to be watching it from the comfort of my own home. That being said, I have no regrets about attending the Blackhawks victory parade downtown on Friday. It was worth it, especially since I wouldn't be surprised if there's never another one for the rest of my days.

Changing of the Guard

When the NHL season started in October, I decided to change my desktop background to this:

This was the cover of ESPN Magazine's NHL Preview Issue. Who knew they actually gave a shit about the NHL anymore? For 9 months these faces looked back at me. At first, I'd stare at Hossa and wonder when we'd actually see him on the ice. Then I'd stare at Toews and marvel at his performance in the Olympics and say a little prayer of thanks to the hockey gods that he was our captain every time I looked at his boyish face. I'd look at Kane and mentally scold him for having viewed his girlish chest in those damn limo pictures. Lastly, throughout the year I'd look at Huet and either bless him for a good game, or more often than not, curse him for his sieve like goaltending skills. After the March Columbus trip, I would always make a wish he'd turn into Antti Niemi so I could lovingly gaze into this bright blue puppy dog eyes. It never worked though, and I admit I always felt sorry for Huey whenever he peered at me from my screen.

Many times throughout the season I was tempted to change the background image to something new or timely. I told myself that this was my image for the season though, and by changing it would be messing with hockey karma.

I just changed it:

This is from the official Hawks site. I like it well enough, but I suspect I might find something a little better in the upcoming days. In any case, I can gaze on the "Stanley Cup Champions" logo and remind myself it was worth the wait.

I'll have pictures and thoughts up from yesterday's crazy victory parade and a special funny post up this weekend. I now have to cram all the chores, sleep and adult responsibilities I have neglected in this crazy week in the two days this weekend. Believe me, I'm not kidding when I say we have no clean dishes, very little food in my fridge and I'm almost out of clean underwear. Don't ever say I don't have my priorities straight!

Stanley Cup Finals Ga-THE CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS ARE YOUR 2010 STANLEY CUP CHAMPS!

As the NHL commercial states, “There are no words.”

I am 34 years old, and 6/9/10 @ 10:06 PM CST will rank as the best sports moment of my life - unless of course the Cubs win it all, but since that’s a sign of the apocalypse (seriously, it’s in the Bible and everything) there may not be much celebrating. I was too young to fully appreciate the Bears in 1985. The Bulls’ six championships were nice, but I hate basketball. The Sox I treated as if any team from the AL won the World Series – I didn’t care. This was my holy grail. And I cried like a baby in public. And I’m not ashamed.

I am going to a ticker tape parade tomorrow, bitches. 24 years ago I pleaded with my mom to let me go when the Bears won it all – she refused. Finally all these years later, I get to attend one. I only wish my mom could be physically able to enjoy it with me in person.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

/dead

Stanley Cup Finals Game Five: Hawks 7, Flyers 4 - Mel starts to FREAK OUT

Well, by freak out I mean that in a "OMGWe'reONEwinawayfromthebigshinything" way. Mostly. There's still the rational/Chicago sports fan part of my brain that reminds me that the series is far from over. Damn you 2003 Cubs from preventing me from fully enjoying the position I'm currently in!

I have to say, the first period of this game was probably the best period of hockey the Hawks have played in this series, if not the entire playoffs. Speed. Puck possession. Crisp passing. Good hitting. It was a thing of beauty - up 3-0 at the end of the period in your own building - marvelous.

Inevitably, the Flyers came out like their pants were on fire scoring quickly in the second. Here's the thing though - every time the Flyers would seemingly get the momentum back by scoring, the Hawks would come right back and answer. That is refreshing to see. The Flyers never got closer than 2 goals down, and when Buff scored the empty netter to ice it, I cursed not having a hot tub time machine to make it Game Six already. A two day break between games this far along in the series is hell for my nerves. Add a long stressful work week already, and this week has just sucked thus far.

Stanley Cup Finals Game Four: Flyers 5, Hawks 3 - Mel brings out the big guns

Look, I'm pissed off and frightened now. I am not happy.

Honestly, the Hawks are lucky the series is tied 2-2 coming home. They haven't played a good game yet. Not even close. And if they don't for two of the next possible three games, I'm going to have a summer of heartbreak, and some assbags are going to be carrying something that doesn't belong to them.

Stanley Cup Finals Game Three: Flyers 4, Hawks 3 (OT) - Mel wanted them to come home anyway

This is gonna be quick and dirty as this game was depressing and I'm really in no mood to spend much time on it.

Honestly, I don't think anyone expected the Hawks would sweep this series. Although being up 2-0, the thought was nice. If we can pull one out tomorrow, we come home needing only one win to get to the promised land. And that is fine by me.

In order to do that, the Hawks need to note the following:

- The Hawks haven't played their A game consistently yet this series. This is comforting to a point, but we're going into Game Four here. Get it together already!
- To that end, the Hawks seemed to be playing the more Flyers game last night than their own. You're a puck possession team - quit looking to make hits just to make them. By all means, don't sit there and take their dirty play, but don't stoop to their level. Play your game!
- Buff needs off the top line. Like yesterday - he's reverted to regular season form. Please put Brouwer out there and make Pronger do more than cross check and throw elbows. Like skate a little.
- I hope Ladd is back tomorrow. Burish needs to sit: if the only thing you're contributing in the Cup finals are one liners from the bench you need to go away.
- Q, why the fuck were you so concerned with matchups in OT? It's playoff hockey - put your best lines out there and make competent changes after shorter shifts. Your schizophrenic quick changes cost us this game.
- The Philly goal horn dude has a heavy finger. And why does the horn last so damn long? It's worse than the damn cannons in Columbus.
- I hope Pronger chokes on a bag of chips.
- OK, Nemo - you're due for another big game tomorrow right?

That's all folks. Thankfully I'll be watching the game tomorrow at bar. Yay, alcohol!

And Then There's One: the Passing of a Golden Girl

What does it say about me that the news of Blanche Devereaux's (Rue McClanahan) death has depressed me way more than the Blackhawks' OT loss last night? A co-worker told me about it this morning and it has put me in a funk all day. By coincidence, I was watching the show just last night in between periods of the Hawks game - it was a great way to lower my stress levels and have a few laughs.

Saturday Nights were a routine for me as a kid: take the L downtown for my ballet lesson in the Fine Arts Building from 3:15-4:15. My parents would order either pizza (half bacon/half mushroom) or Chinese (pork chop suey) for dinner. Facts of Life on NBC at 7pm. Some other show (I remember 227 for awhile there) at 7:30. The Golden Girls at 8pm. I loved the Golden Girls even though I was only 9 when the show started. Several times a year my brother and I would spend Saturday nights over at my Grandma's house so my parents could enjoy a night out. I would always clamor for her to put the Golden Girls on. "That show is not for children!" she would state, but then end up putting it on for me anyway. I really couldn't understand what she meant - I thought it was hilarious. It wasn't until many years later, when the reruns were always on Lifetime that I realized what she meant. I was innocent enough then that all that innuendo went completely over my head. It's amazing to me now how much they got away with.

In memory of Blanche, here's a few of my favorite clips:



The laughter by Rue and Bea is genuine - Betty White had them both in stitches while she deadpanned. 



"Lesbian. Lesbian. LESBIAN." That line makes me LOL Every. Damn. Time.



Finally...the Best of Blanche.

I'd like to think that somewhere, Blanche, Dorothy and Sophia are at the kitchen table sharing a cheesecake, chatting away until it's time for Rose to join them (which I hope isn't for a long, LONG time - I heart Betty White!). God, this makes me sad. Wherever you are Rue, Godspeed! You will be missed!

Stanley Cup Finals Game Two: Hawks 2, Flyers 1 - Mel gets treats

Well, I guess the real treat was the outcome. But as to what I'm referring to, you'll just have to wait until the end.

With the somewhat unexpected offensive explosion in Game One, you'd had to figure both teams would button things down. They wouldn't disappoint. The first period started out somewhat tentative - offensively at least (the Hawks won the SOG battle 9-3). The hits though came fast and furious - starting at the opening faceoff. Much was made about Daniel Carcillo entering the lineup. He made a few good hits, although none better than this one:



I guess this is why Carcillo was bumped to the third line shortly thereafter and was MIA in the third period. I loved Burish's chirp from the bench though: "That was your best hit all year!" LOLLERCOASTER!

The second period definitely had more jump to it - the Flyers outshot the Hawks 15-13. With better rebound control and positioning by both goalies, it seemed like we were going to the final period with two goose eggs on the scoreboard. Lo and behold, with the Flyers being sloppy clearing out the front of the net with 3 minutes left, a Panda swooped in and buried it over Leighton for his first tally of the Finals. You could tell Hossa was relieved more than anything - I think he has been the best forward so far in this series. The UC crowd was still buzzing when a mere 28 seconds later, Buff picked off a pass in the neutral zone and passed it to a waiting Eager who fired a laser above Leighton's glove hand. Ben *fucking* Eager? My brother said the crowd was the loudest after he scored, more out of disbelief than anything else. His celebration was reminiscent of the Nintendo64 kid. He needs to be a little more careful when jumping around though - he could have broken our Captain.

The Flyers came out in pure desperation in the final frame, perhaps realizing that we're not the Bruins. The Hawks seemed somewhat content in being complacent and focusing on defense, which isn't a bad thing, but I wish they would have come out with a little more oomph. Philly clobbered us in offensive chances, with the SOG being tilted 15-4. Enter our little Nemo. If not for a weird wobbly shot that went in from Gagne, Niemi would have had his third shutout of the playoffs. Again, Nemo follows up a shit game with one of his best ones. So after I nearly jumped out the window when Sharpie clanged the post on the empty net to seal the deal (what is with this team and fucking up the ENGs?), the Hawks go to Philly with a 2-0 lead. Thank you Flying Spaghetti Monster!

A brief note on the Pronger/puck/towel/Eager situation. I realize Pronger is a fucking asshole and probably took the puck just to piss the Hawks off. Doesn't he have enough pucks from his grade school days playing with Chelios? It just pisses me off because that puck belongs to Nemo - I mean look at this face from the post game interview - he's choking up because he can't believe the crowd is going crazy for him:

Why gritty players like Sami Salo suffer while filth like Pronger goes without being speared in the nuts is beyond me. Not that I'm advocating violence *whistles*

So Game Three: I'll light a candle for any Hawks fans brave enough to show their face there. I hope they bring ponchos for the beer and vomit showers. I know Toews and Kaner will be back in scoring form. I know Nemo will continue to amaze. I hope the Hawks come back home with at least a split.

Now onto the treats. My brother was kind enough bring me back a couple things I requested from the two games:

Another puck for the collection...

Official SCF program. I haven't read it cover to cover yet but a) it's got a nice section for the roster for both teams b) is far too ad heavy (though the Philadelphia area ads amuse me) c) has way too many mentions/pictures of Crosby/Ovechkin for a Finals between the *Blackhawks* and the *Flyers*. I hate you NHL marketing machine! I'll make sure to get completely pissed NYE so I sleep through the Pens/Caps Winter Classic. Phhhbbbbttttt!