They're Ready For Their Closeups Mr. DeMille

Btw...Sunset Boulevard - EPIC film. I love mes some Gloria Swanson.

In honor of the first night of the preseason (Blackhawks' first game is tomorrow night - w00t!), I've decided to have a little fun with various players' official team photos. I stumbled upon them over the weekend when I printed out the Hawks roster for training camp, and some of them are too funny. Now there are plenty of pictures of myself floating around that look much worse, but I don't make millions of dollars either, so I won't feel too bad about the mockery.

From the Internets: I Have A Bad Case of Diarrhea

OK before you run screaming from this blog, I really don't have the runs. During one of my patented putterings on the internets, I found a few videos I had seen awhile back but had put out of my mind. Perhaps intentionally. Warning: after you watch these videos you will have these songs in your head.




I'm sure you are wondering what the hell you just wasted a minute of your time on. That clip is from Zuiikin English - a TV show that ran in Japan in the '90s with the purpose of teaching English whilst exercising. A strange concept to be sure, but then again this is the country that brought us Iron Chef (which I love 100x times more than Iron Chef America - I just want to slap Bobby Flay every time I see him smirk on my TV). I'm not sure why they chose this particular phrase - "I really need the toilet" would have sufficed but then again, it wouldn't have been nearly as funny.

Here's another one of my faves:



"Spare me my life!" is a great phrase when a man wearing a bandanna like my 80 year old grandmother tries to rob you!

I find weird and slightly inappropriate videos/links like this often, but am too lazy to make a proper post about them. Therefore, I created a tumblr account so house such things. My screen name is maschinenmensch for those who are daring enough to follow me.

"Take anything you want!"

A Week On: A Collection of Not-So Memorable Yet Hilarious Hawks Images

So, it's been exactly a week since the Blackhawks hoisted their first Stanley Cup in 49 years. The first several days seemed to be an unrelenting party going on in my head and everything seemed so shiny and happy. Unfortunately, going back to work on Monday really took the buzz off of it - Being understaffed and stressed out ruins everything! Still, the idea of being the reigning Stanley Cup Champions has not gotten old and certainly has gotten this summer off to a tremendously tremendous start. 

Since last Wednesday, I have collected an assortment of images off the internets which I either found funny or a big helping of FAIL. This will be an image heavy post so those on "smart" phones or on 28.8 modems may not want to click on the jump. But I promise you it will be fun!

Stanley Cup Finals Game One: Hawks 6, Flyers 5 - Mel needs a Zoloft

Wow, what a game!

Both goalies made some incredible saves. The top lines for both teams were unstoppable. Such great defense! And the ice at the UC - top notch!

Wait, what?

"Don't Accept Plastic Imitations!"

Just a bit of Saturday night (or is it Sunday morning?) silliness:



I don't know what's worse: the name "Disco Body Shaper" or the jump suits. And who the hell wears a belt when working out?

I got this off the Museum of Classic Chicago Television - a site I have wasted countless hours on. If you're looking for the old Empire commercials, Son of Svengoolie or any other TV staples from the 70s and 80s, make a visit!

Totally Random, Totally Hilarious (in an I'm going to Hell way) picture

I was poking through my external hard drive and found the following picture I had downloaded many moons ago:

I should have posted this yesterday when it was more appropriate. Oh I am so bad.