I Am Sheeple, Hear Me Bleat

When the iPhones came out several years ago, Amy and I took great delight in mocking those who rushed right out to get one. "Fucking Hipsters," we'd sneer. Like sheep, folks flocked to Apple Stores every time a upgrade happened, and then they'd seemingly gloat they were cool enough to own one as they'd fiddle with it on the train, walking down the street, in the public bathroom.

Two years ago, it was time for Amy and I to get our phone upgrades as the contract was up.  Scoffing at the thought of needing a smart phone, I settled for a simple flip top model, seen above. We lovingly named it my Jitterbug. Amy opted for a Motorola, which was a cheap imitation of a Blackberry (she hates Blackberries). I was content with it for a time, but as I got more and more involved with social media, I longed for a smart phone. I'd use Amy's when I could, but the web browser was slow, and most webpages looked horrible on it. I'd sit at Hawks games this season and wish I had a phone I could check other scores on, and look at the Twitter feeds of fellow fans.

[self portrait using the Hipstamatic app - I'm a tad obsessed with this at the moment]

Finally our contracts were up again. Both of us ate a little crow. Amy got her iPhone 4 a week after they came out. I got mine last night - I had to wait an extra month due to some bullshit AT&T policy.

I spent most of last night playing with it and downloading (mostly) free apps and putting some music on it. I'm like a kid in a candy store - a nerdy one of course. So let me just say it: I have an iPhone. And I am not ashamed.

My Personal Academy Award

I rarely talk about work on here, for several reasons - a) I try not to give away too much information about my real life persona, even though I'm sure almost everyone who reads this knows me personally anyway, b) blogging about work can be tricky - I would never say anything remotely controversial about my workplace, knowing I could could get in trouble if I did. Which I have issues with in general, but that's not a topic for here nor there, c) I know I bore everyone enough as it is, so I don't need to wax poetic about the place I spend 50 hours a week at.

That being said, something important today that I should share - not to brag or boast, but more to put my memories and feelings down before the moment has passed. But first, I feel the need to tell everyone about all the jobs I've worked. So if you're sleepy, this should work better than an Ambien.

Finding Hockey Amongst Pierogis

OK, so I wrote that long diatribe how I'm going to update the blog and do other things and yet I've waited nearly a week to write anything of substance. *sigh* Well I did upload probably close to a 100 photos on Flickr since then so I'm not totally useless. Or something. Anyway...

No, no, no, don't run away screaming! Dead raccoon is just welcoming you to a story about my visit to the Annual Pierogi Fest in Whiting, Indiana over the weekend. As you will see shortly, Mr Raccoon is just a sample of the weird ass shit (and in this case frightening) you could see and/or purchase in between stuffing your face. For those not in the know, pierogis are Polish dumplings often stuffed with potatoes, cheese, sauerkraut and other tasty things. Sadly, I didn't start eating them regularly until fairly recently. Which is surprising considering I grew up in an area of Chicago with a large Polish population (Chicago has the largest Polish population outside of Warsaw), and went to school with many folks with Polish and Slavic heritage. Aside from eating so much you feel like you need a defibrillator, there were many booths with crafts, knick-knacks and well, shit. Of course I had to capture such things with a Blackhawks theme!

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

If I could accomplish even half of what I set out to do, I think I'd be quite pleased with myself. Unfortunately life tends to get in my way - work takes out a significant portion of my time during the week: I leave my apartment at 6:30 every morning, and get home between 6 and 7 at night (depending on traffic and when I can pry my ass out of my office chair). So by the time I settle in and eat, it's usually close to 8pm which leaves me about 2 hours or so of free time. I think I may be slightly manic as I tend to have short intense bursts of inspiration and desire to work on my aspirations. Unfortunately, those bursts tend to happen at inappropriate times - like when I'm at work, or at 10:30pm on a weeknight when I really need to go to bed. On the weekends I tend to try to squeeze in all the errands I was too lazy/didn't have time for in the week (i.e. laundry, grocery shopping, naps) which leaves me only sporadic blocks of time of which to work with. Add what I think is a slight case of ADD (I swear I would have been medicated as a kid had I been born twenty years later) which I'm noticing is getting worse as I get older, and I'm shocked I can finish any kind of artistic endeavor.

AnyWAY, the point of this post was not to bitch about how I don't have time to do the things I want, but to tell you what those things are. Like the essay you'd always be stuck writing that first week back to grammar school in the fall ("This summer I wrote my bike to White Hen for Slush Puppies every day and bought baseball cards from Roadway Pharmacy" [this is seriously what I did]), here's a list of what I hope I can accomplish this summer. Please note I am a realist and know there's no way I can get all of this done. I will put these in order of what I feel is doable, and also because ordering lists soothes me. Hey, I can't help that - I'm anal retentive.

Ignoring Baseball

So there's this other sport I follow religiously: baseball. Unfortunately I've had a lapse in my faith as I've hardly paid attention to the MLB season at all. I can attribute this to three main reasons: 1) I was following hockey until mid-June. The above picture was taken at my second of four Cubs games I'm going to this season, and I didn't even bother to post about it here - cut me some slack, it was the day after we closed out the Vancouver series. 2) the Blackhawks' season culminating in their Stanley Cup victory was, well, a religious experience for me. Any other sport right now doesn't even come close to comparing. I was focused on hockey from October to June, and watching baseball right now is downright boring to me. Don't give me wrong, I love the sport. But becoming obsessed with the NHL again has made me have ADD with sports in general. 3) The Cubs Are Terrible. I mean even worse than I can remember them in at least five years. I think the only games I've seen in their entirety this season were the two games I've attended - they won both (a miracle!). I will always love the Cubs and will admit to that and defend them to anyone at anytime. But I just can't deal with them at the moment. It's as if I fear their bad luck will rub off on any other sports team I follow. Regardless, I'll make a lame attempt at analyzing the lame excuse of a season the Cubs as of the All Star Break.

The Kids Are Alright - At Least Until One Gets Beat Up

This past Friday through today was the Blackhawks Prospect Camp. Since we're losing players faster than Patrick Kane probably loses bills at a gentleman's club, I figured I might as well go on Saturday and see the players who will one day (probably too soon) be replacing them. Plus it was free and it's not like I have anything better to do. They invited 70 kids to the camp and divided them into four teams. They had two sessions with two teams apiece - each had a 15 minute practice before a scrimmage of two 30 minute periods.

From the Internets: I Have A Bad Case of Diarrhea

OK before you run screaming from this blog, I really don't have the runs. During one of my patented putterings on the internets, I found a few videos I had seen awhile back but had put out of my mind. Perhaps intentionally. Warning: after you watch these videos you will have these songs in your head.




I'm sure you are wondering what the hell you just wasted a minute of your time on. That clip is from Zuiikin English - a TV show that ran in Japan in the '90s with the purpose of teaching English whilst exercising. A strange concept to be sure, but then again this is the country that brought us Iron Chef (which I love 100x times more than Iron Chef America - I just want to slap Bobby Flay every time I see him smirk on my TV). I'm not sure why they chose this particular phrase - "I really need the toilet" would have sufficed but then again, it wouldn't have been nearly as funny.

Here's another one of my faves:



"Spare me my life!" is a great phrase when a man wearing a bandanna like my 80 year old grandmother tries to rob you!

I find weird and slightly inappropriate videos/links like this often, but am too lazy to make a proper post about them. Therefore, I created a tumblr account so house such things. My screen name is maschinenmensch for those who are daring enough to follow me.

"Take anything you want!"

RIP Probie

Bob Probert, 1965 - 2010

No matter what your feelings were about Probert, 45 is way too young to go - especially when you have four kids. What's horrifying to me to me is he apparently went in front of his wife, children and other family. I don't know if I'd wish that on my worst enemy.

For myself, Probie was the guy you loved to hate when he played for the Wings. He did his job well - beating the shit outta anyone in his way. What most people forget though is is could also score - look at his point total in 87-88: 62. The Hawks gave him a second chance at playing after one of his frequent alcohol related run ins with the law and subsequent release from Detroit. The hate turned to love for the Chicago fans. Here was a man who protected his teammates, especially the skill players, with his fists. That's something you'll never see again with the instigator penalties they've instituted - another thing that has changed the game for the worst, IMHO. He was the last of a dying breed.

As his hockey card from 1990 states, "Bob had a much publicized drug and alcohol problem." Maybe that contributed to his early death, but why speculate? The man had demons, but it seemed like he had done his best to conquer them. By all accounts he was truly a nice, stand up guy off the ice. 

Most of the tribute posts I've seen link to clips of Probert's best fights. If you'd like to see them, take a look at hockeyfights.com or youtube - they're there for the taking. I'd like to include the one below. It's a Hawks/Wings montage before Game 4 of the WCF Finals last year and includes the ceremonial puck drop by Probie himself:

"Kick their ass" indeed, Bob. Wherever you are now, I hope you're doing the same.

Another Three Bite the Dust...

Bow your heads please, as we take a moment to remember three additional recently departed members of Your 2010 Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks...

Andrew Ladd

You played in the SCF with a fractured shoulder - that is a testament to your toughness. You were known more for your gritty style of play, but you also scored the team's only hat trick in the regular season. Alas, Atlanta offered you $3.5 mildo so off you went. Have fun with our other recently departed friends, Buff, Eager and Sopel on Blackhawks-South. 

Adam Burish

Trendy bars with co-eds will never be the same without you Burr. I'll miss your wit and cockiness. You never really seemed to put it all together this year - perhaps you were still recovering from your injury. You were willing to stay for a hometown discount, but either the money the Stars were throwing at you was too good to turn down, or the front office simply didn't want you back. Have fun with all the big hair in Texas.

Kris Versteeg

Who will be the team's aspiring rapper now that you're gone Kris? Your defiance in not dumping the puck into the zone and boneheaded defensive lapses frustrated me to no end. Yet, you easily had half a dozen highlight reel type goals last season. Perhaps the increased ice time you'll receive in Toronto will turn you into a better two way player - I suspect you may be the player we let go that ends up biting us in the butt. Sorry that you have been shipped to the team who has inherited the "longest Cup drought" title.

Losing seven players from a championship team less than a month after winning it all has been tough. It had to happen, and I'm thankful we won it all before it did. Still, I would have hoped we wouldn't have lost the equivalence of two complete lines. As it stands, this is what our lines would possibly look like if we played today:

Kane - Toews - Brouwer

Hossa - Sharp - Kopecky

Skille? - Bolland - Stahlberg

Bickell - Reasoner - Beach?

Keith - Seabrook

Campbell - Hjalmarsson

Hendry/Scott/Boynton??

Niemi

Huet/Crawford

This is of course assuming that they resign Toftbo and Nemo - I mean why clear all this cap space if you're not going to? I'm also going to guess Huet gets sent to Rockford once the season starts to rid the team of his albatross of a cap hit. But perhaps they're not, which is another reason for all of the salary dumping. That's a lot of IceHogs on the team - nothing wrong with that, but at first look, that's a *huge* drop in talent from our first two to our bottom two lines. It's possible we may pick up a veteran or two to fill in, but who knows what money we'll have to work with. All I know is one of our greatest strengths last season was our depth, and it's pretty much been gutted at this point.

*Sigh* it's gonna be a long summer.

Attempting To Get the Brown Off My Thumb: An Adventure in Gardening

One of the pitfalls of apartment living in an urban area such as Chicago, is there is no land. No land to BBQ, hang out in and importantly, no place to plant flowers and a vegetable garden. That is not to say you can't do any of the aforementioned things, it's just way better if you have a yard and a place to call your own.